We're Not A Country Club
by Zarius
Summary: Two wedding guests stick around as DM chats with his bride over an urgent matter concerning his best friend (alternative take on the wedding glimpsed in "The World Is Full Of Stuff")


**DANGER MOUSE:**

**WE'RE NOT A COUNTRY CLUB**

**WRITTEN BY ZARIUS**

**Author's Note: An alternative take on the infamous wedding photo glimpsed at the end of "The World Is Full Of Stuff" I guess ****lrhaboggle's realism in regards to how the Futuroid camera works finally sunk in and I decided there ought to be a "twist" on how the big day eventually played out**

* * *

The remnants of the wedding cake lay untouched on the table; some of the pieces had made their way on to the soft grass as the winds steadily picked up on this blustery autumn day.

As soon as the pieces touched the soil, a paw was quick to snatch them up and take them underneath the table.

"One for you Princess" said Mr. Snuggles as he passed a slice over to his partner in crime, Dawn.

"Oh good, this one has oodles and oodles of chocolate buttons on it" said Dawn with glee, picking the buttons off and quickly shoving a handful into her mouth.

"Look, I got the groom" Snuggles said, holding up one of the model figures used for decoration of the cake.

"What does it taste like?" Dawn asked as Snuggles took a bite.

"Like it isn't made of an edible substance" said Snuggles, spitting out what had proven to be a waxwork figure and pouting.

Dawn urged him to keep quiet as she noticed a pair of white legs stroll past the table and head over to the stairwell in the middle of the park where the wedding had taken place. The individual the legs belonged knelt down and activated a small tablet held in his hands

"It's the Mouse" said Snuggles.

"Quiet, I'm listening in" insisted Dawn.

"Ah Penfold, they've let you keep your com link open"

"Yes Chief, these modern hostage taking techniques really are more accommodating these days, I think it's because they always choose a destination with diplomatic immunity, so no one can come and touch them"

"That Baron always has connections regardless of whether or not he has the Wi-Fi" said Danger Mouse.

"Mind you, the prison cells still have the usual cockroach infestation, but the beetles are awfully friendly down here Chief"

"Is the Baron making you say that sort of thing again?" said DM.

"No, no, I'm good with it this time. I think some of them have a little too much to drink, I call them hung beetles"

"Very funny Penfold, I'm sure that will go over nice and well with the 5-12 demographic" said DM.

"Anyway, let me know when you get 'round to clearing the paperwork necessary to come fetch me will you?" said Penfold.

DM gave him a thumbs up, though deep down he knew he had a larger hill to climb.

He switched the tablet off, looked up at the sky and hummed a quaint little diddy to himself.

Another person walked over to him, a bedazzling chicken in a white wedding dress, she perched herself down beside him and put one arm over his shoulder.

"I am so sorry" said Squawkencluck, "This wedding idea was a bad one right from the get, look at how much damage it's caused...to the Park, to the Danger Agency, to Penfold, to you"

"Professor, the notion of a 'trigger warning wedding', dangling the priceless carrot that was the agency's top agent and scientist in one convenient place and inviting all of our known enemies to attend, was entirely the brain child of Colonel K, if anyone should be apologising for it, it's him"

"Does he even remember what put him up to it?"

"I think he just wanted to justify the expense of that cake, seeing as it was going to waste at his cousin's ceremony that never took place because the bride got caught in a revolving door. He's probably still there trying to get her out. His mind's elsewhere I'm afraid"

"Then what's stopping you from just taking advantage of that and going after Penfold?"

"We can't go into a country where immunity is sacrosanct, they have laws there. We may live dangerously, but we sure don't act that recklessly"

"You could resign, go in as a rogue agent"

"We're not a country club Squawk, you can't just come and go, there are consequences to that, there's no guarantee they'll let us back in"

It was at this point that Dawn and Snuggles emerged from beneath the table and began chasing one another around the park in a playful mood, all while Squawk and DM continued to talk.

"If I go rogue and try to retrieve Penfold, the other Danger Agents will be assigned to apprehend me"

"Like they do every five weeks?" said Squawk.

"Having them fail to arrest me, even if some of them like Penfold and are willing to look the other way, will result in the Agency being disgraced and likely disavowed"

"Penfold's your friend, he's my friend, he's everyone's friend as you said, and you owe him a world to walk through. Forget Queen and country, your duty is to that hallowed hamster of yours"

DM gave her a pat on the back; he looked over at Dawn as Snuggles grabbed her ankles and tackled her to the ground before giving her a little tickle on the tummy.

"Look at that, we deal in grown up talk while they have the time of their lives"

"At least someone's having fun today" said Squawk.

She picked herself up and kissed Danger Mouse on the cheek.

"I know you'll do the right thing, because if you don't, the next time this beak touches your face it's going to leave it with your only remaining eye"

She headed off; DM presumed it was to help the Colonel get his cousin out of the door.

Dawn howled with laughter as Snuggles continued to tickle her, finally, her tiara glowed bright pink and forced him off of her with a dangerous blast that sent him careering into a tree, which also split open as soon as he impacted with it.

"How many times have I told you not to go for my belly button? I'm super sensitive there" she teased.

She noticed DM was still where he was, pondering what to do.

"I saw what happened to your little pen pal; today's just not your day is it? Even your bride walked off in a tiff"

"She was never my bride Dawn, the whole thing was an act to try and incarcerate every one of you"

"Really? Even me and Snuggles?"

"Oh not you, never you, you're too good at hide and seek"

"Or maybe you're not so good at finding us when we need to be"

"You know I could technically arrest you right now, you did destroy a piece of parkland property just now"

Dawn looked at him with a smug expression, as she possessed vital knowledge.

"Do that and you won't have my permission to crash the island Baron Greenback is keeping Penfold on"

"How?" DM asked.

"My dad owns beachfront property on Hackman's Island; it's a swell vacation spot for anyone fresh out of serving time for trying to bring you to heel. Only two people can grant or withdraw permission to stay there. You're looking at one"

"Yes, but...you wouldn't do that for me, would you?"

"Should I not do something for you? Very well, I'll retract my offer then"

"No, no, please, if you can help me I promise I won't try to arrest you for a whole week. I can't promise that for every agent, but I'll do my best to slip up from time to time"

"Not what I want"

"What do you want then?"

"I want you to join me for a few Princess Parties 'Cindy'"

"Oh no, you're holding _that_ against me again?"

"I expect you to drop in on weekends, as soon as I wake up, 7 AM sharp, and I want you to bring more of that kind of cake with you"

"That cake ate into a lot of the agency's budget; we'd all have to give up our bonuses for seven months just to justify the cost of another"

"Fine, I'll lend you the money" Dawn said.

"I-I don't know what to say...why go to the trouble?"

Dawn shied away from him, twitching and twiddling her fingers.

"I had a good day OK? You had music, and cake, and Bollywood dancing, it was the total lack of strictness that made me and Snuggles stay while everyone else had gone. Even when everyone started acting all annoyed and sad"

"Did you come out of your hiding place because you saw how upset Squawk and I were?"

"Nobody should be sad at a wedding, staged or otherwise. I wanted to recreate how I felt at my parent's wedding...back when everyone was all too rarely happy. Maybe you're right though, just like my parents were, you can't decide who's happy or who's not, who's in or who's out, life's not a country club"

DM knelt down and gripped Dawn's hand.

"Well, Princesses like to live life like a fairy tale don't they? So why don't we try for that? Who needs those kind of clubs when we have one all our own eh? Our own little Princesses club, where happily ever after is the motif for a whole day of play" he said as Dawn gave him a loving smile and giggled.

Mr. Snuggles steadily rose to his feet and walked over to the pair of them.

"How come whenever he's around you, you're even more sensitive and he gets nothing?"

"OK Snuggles, if you feel so strongly about that, you deal with him as appropriately as you'd like" she said

"Erm, Dawn, can we discuss this?" DM said, panicking as Snuggles grinned wickedly, cracking his knuckles and giving DM an uppercut that sent him rocketing though the air.

"Remember, 7 AM sharp" yelled Dawn, blowing a kiss to him

DM landed directly into the front door of the Neverendering Story hotel, where the Colonel, Squawk and others were still trying to pry the bride of the Colonel's cousin out of her predicament.

As the door spun 'round and round, everyone was swiftly caught up in it.

"Danger Mouse!" screamed Squawk.

"What does this mean DM?" asked Colonel K

"It means you better get used to the revolving door sir" said DM.


End file.
